it's over. but has just begun...7

The hardest year of high school has come to an end. Junior year is over, and summer is here. Soon senior year will begin and the college application process will begin. With the closure of junior year, I am very excited I survived and have grown so much. However, with the closure of junior year, the talks about college and making decisions are increasing.

Recently my family and I have been having talks about where I want to go for college. This decision does not only impact me, but my whole family. It impacts my family in more ways you can think. As of now, my family seems to be scattered all over the world. My dad lives in Okinawa because he was recently transferred there for work. My brother is attending college in New York. My mom, dog, and I are here in Hawaii. With the decision of where I want to go to college approaching, my family also needs to make an equally important decision.

Since I am going to be in college, there is no reason for my mom to stay in Hawaii. She is now faced with the choice of moving to Japan to stay with my dad, or to move to California and stay with her parents. Yes, you would think moving to Japan would be the choice, hands down. However, the problem with that choice, is my Dad’s job in Okinawa is not permanent. Therefore, it would not be smart to move to Okinawa and start a life there. Especially when no one in my family speaks Japanese and my dad is deaf.

There is one problem that will take place with any decision. It has to do with my dog, Blazer. We do not know if mom should take him wherever she moves, or leave him with my grandparents. We live with our grandparents and they love Blazer, but my mom loves Blazer too. It’s very complicated. Basically, Blazer is an important part of their lives and I am not sure what is going to happen.

Anyway, besides all of this moving drama, I have also realized I am going to have to start making decisions about where I want to go for college. I have talked with my friends and it is interesting to see how different we all are. I am basically the only one who is excited and wants to get off of Hawaii. Everyone else is saying how they are going to come back and live here, they keep saying there is no place like Hawaii. However, I want to go out and explore. I just do not know how far away I want to go to explore.

I have debates with myself about whether I want to go to the East or West Coast. At times I want one, then at other times I want the other. I like the East Coast because it is different but I am worried that it is such a change in culture. I am not sure if I would be able to survive out there, with the cold and fast paced life. I like the West Coast because it is more like Hawaii, compared to the East Coast. However, I am not sure I want to go some place like Hawaii. I want to grow and be independent, but I do not know what kind of culture and society I want to influence me. The culture and society in Hawaii has shaped me so much. I believe it has shaped me into a better person. I also believe I have stood up and changed it, at least a little bit. For my decision about where I want to go to college, I need to decide if I want to play it safe or take a risk.

Okay, I just wanted to write about that because it has been bugging me a lot. These topics were related to identity and culture because in this moments I was looking at myself and to see what culture and society has shaped me into. I am trying to figure out who I am and what I want. I am making one of the biggest decisions of my life. Somehow I believe this class has helped me with this decision. By asking myself some of the hardest questions I have ever asked myself, I was able to learn a lot about myself. Sometimes the questions were so hard; I wanted to give up. However, after a lot of thinking and digging into my heart, I was able to answer them. Not only did I learn about myself in this class, I learned about other people and the impact culture has on everyone. This class has pushed me to think harder than any other class. I have been stuck on questions, countless times in this class. Some of the questions, I thought I would easily know the answer too, took me a while.

It has been a really eye opening experience. I have learned about myself through the IAT. I can now understand why people act the way they do. I learned even though I think I am being opened minded in certain situations I am not. Also, I have learned in a lot of certain situations I am a hypocrite. Now, I have a way better understanding of what makes people who they are, compared to the beginning of this class. I do not believe any one will ever be able to have a full understanding of what makes people who they are. However, I am happy with my understanding with people, but more so I am happy with the knowledge I have gained about myself.

The seven-day identity and culture awareness period turned out to be really fun. Everywhere I went and everything I did, I would be saying identity and culture moment. I believe my friends were beginning to think I was crazy, because I would randomly start laughing and say, “Identity and Culture moment!” Even during, my golf tournament, when I should have been focusing about golf, I was able to point out several moments. I am actually glad that I am more aware of my surrounding now. I constantly am asking myself questions about why things happen or why people act a certain way. I want to continue this, so I can keep on getting a better understanding of why people are the way they are. Also I want to keep on learning how identity and culture impact each other, so I guess the questions will never end :]